Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
