is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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