What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
