Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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