Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your penis caused this!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
