He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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