Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
