I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
