last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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