i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
