I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
