I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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