Don't make out with my wife yet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
