Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
