your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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