I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
