I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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