the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My vagina is officially offended.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
