Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I love you. Go after that dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
