He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
