remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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