whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
