Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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