Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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