she was so not down for the gang bang
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
