This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
