so that wasnt chicken after all
I could make wine with my vomit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
