Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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