yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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