There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
