He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
