Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
now i know why i became what i already was.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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