It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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