i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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