I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
