On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
