Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
