I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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