Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
