none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think my fart just growled at me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
