Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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