was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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