I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
