You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
