ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
