yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
