Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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