I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
