Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
