Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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