Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
