I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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