I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
