Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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