i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
