Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
