i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
