i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
