My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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