Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
