morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
