I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
