i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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