i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
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Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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