She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
