You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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