My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
