We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
